In response to Coronavirus (Covid-19), I am offering telephone, online counselling and CBT sessions via Zoom and WhatsApp.
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Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) insomnia and mindulness tips to help you to overcome sleep difficulties
Category: motivation
How to stop comparing, improve low self esteem and increase your self confidence
For those of you who are unfamiliar, social comparison theory is how we determine our own social and personal worth based on how we stand up against others. It is a process whereby people, like you and I, evaluate ourselves, to a certain degree, by examining their own qualities and abilities with those of others.
It manifests as an inner voice or negative chatterbox that often goes something like this:
• I wish I could stop comparing myself to other people
• If only I could overcome these jealousy and envy feelings because they hold me back
• Why can’t I just accept myself for who I am?
• Why do I talk myself out of doing incredible things because I am afraid to discover if I’ve got what it takes?
• Why haven’t I got as many facebook likes or twitter followers as my friends or business competitors?
• Why am I less attractive then my best friend?
• I wish I could afford a nice house and expensive car like my boss at work
Not surprisingly, in today’s quick fix, target-driven, celebrity, facebook, twitter, botox obsessed society, this increasingly common epidemic “social comparison” is sweeping the world, an extreme envious, keeping up with the Joneses and it’s causing burn out, anxiety, depression, addiction, low self esteem, envy, procrastination to name a few.
It’s about comparing status, comparing facebook likes and twitter retweets, comparing wrinkles, comparing schools, comparing bra and pec sizes, comparing gadgets, comparing academic ability the list goes on and it’s spreading fast!!! It’s tempting to think that this is a 21st century virus but it’s been with us since the beginning of time.
As a result, we are constantly making self and other evaluations across a variety of perimeters such as: attractiveness, wealth, intelligence, and success.
For most of us, the virus will continue from the cradle until the grave.
Let me give you an example. Though you want to experience more adventure, happiness and purpose in your life you compare yourself to gurus and talk yourself out of doing incredible things because you are afraid to discover if you’ve got what it takes.
Don’t get me wrong comparing yourself to other people from time to time can be healthy as it can set a benchmark for excellence and sometimes provide us with the inspiration we need. However it’s when it becomes obsessive and a regular negative thinking pattern that infects personal relationships with our partners and children and paralyses us to attempt anything new that it becomes a problem.
I, Karen Deeming, am now doing my dream job as a successful Consultant, Psychotherapist and Mindfulness Teacher advising film Directors, such as Mike Leigh, on the authenticity of film narratives involving psychotherapy. But it wasn’t always like that, I too was often crippled by the comparing virus in my well-paid secure corporate job until one day I stopped comparing and started daring:
I dared to take risks, I dared to leave my well paid corporate job and do a MA in Psychotherapy, I dared to leave Yorkshire for London and I dared to fulfill my dreams and passions. Most significantly though, I dared to drop my mask and accept myself for who I.
It may seem a mammoth task and a huge mountain to climb right now, however, here are some tips to help you overcome comparing yourself to other people:
Firstly acknowledge that comparing yourself to others is a bad habit.
The media and Society often portray people with flawless skin, pure white teeth, slim bodies, huge houses and expensive cars as being the happiest and most successful people on the planet. I can, however, assure you that in my work as a Therapist and in my life before counselling and coaching this has often proved not to be the case. If it were true that these characteristics guarantee a passport to living a happy, fulfilling and healthy life, why did Mick Jagger’s girlfriend, L’Wren Scott a beautiful and highly successful fashion designer commit suicide then?
Society similarly projects men with flawless skin, six packs, and designer clothes with lots of women, as badges which promise men a lifetime of achievement and contentedness. If this is the case then again why did Michael Hutchence and Kurt Cobain kill themselves?
Lots of wealthy people and celebrities also adopt unhealthy behaviours such as excessive drinking, cocaine use and eating disorders and though they appear confident are often experiencing low self esteem so why’s that then?
Society is remarkably effective at brainwashing people into believing they should look a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain someone, when in reality every single one of us is different. Society pigeonholes people and wants you to believe that you have fewer rights to be happy because you do not fit an idealistic lifestyle. I believe this happens ‘toxic pigeonholing’ happens because it keeps the consumer tread mill in business, continually filling up the pockets of plastic surgeons, BMW and Mercedes, banks, estate agents and pharmaceutical companies who prescribe so called “happy pills”.
As activist Satish Kumar put it: “Society is obsessed with “BIG” big nation, big business, big schools but with bigness you lose humanity.”
Remember that it is only following the industrial revolution that we became materially focused and it clearly doesn’t seem to be working for the majority.
Comparing yourself to others, especially celebrities and top academics, is a fine way to throw your self-esteem down the drain as there will always be those who are ‘better’ than you, and those who are ‘worse’ than you.
So give yourself a break!!
Stop comparing and begin to celebrate your own unique talents and what makes you special. By constantly watching and focusing on what other people are doing and how they are looking, it takes away your own inspiration, style and creativity and you end up becoming a clone, a follower of fashion or a people pleaser. Is this how you really want to run your life? Me, I’d much rather be a pioneer than a late adopter or carbon copy of other people it’s much more liberating and fun.
Fear of failure is a huge block for developing to your full potential and can often result in regular bouts of putting things off and procrastination. Since I began to welcome mistakes and to tell myself there are no mistakes and that everything is a learning opportunity, my life and work outputs have significantly improved. When a child learns to walk stands up and falls down is that a mistake?
Learn how to accept yourself warts and all, focusing on your stengths and weaknesses rather than constantly striving to improve yourself.
If you recognise any of the issues highlighted in this blog you are not alone in this very common dilemma.
Face to face or on line counselling or a personal development or mindfulness course can help you to overcome going around in circles and to stop comparing yourself to other people.
So, if you need a bit of extra support and encouragement and a few counselling or mindfulness sessions why not contact me Karen Deeming to arrange an appointment or for a short free introductory chat on 07950 751352 or by emailing us on info@karendeeming.com
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – how can it help you?
In response to Coronavirus (Covid-19), I am offering telephone, online counselling and CBT sessions via Zoom and WhatsApp.
What is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)?
CBT is an evidence-based, collaborative, solution-focussed form of counselling/therapy approved by the NHS.
It is a way of talking about:
- how you think about yourself, the world and other people
- how what you do affects your thoughts and feelings.
CBT can help you to change how you think (‘Cognitive’) and what you do (‘Behaviour’).
These changes can help you to feel better. Unlike some of the other talking treatments, CBT focuses on the ‘here and now’ problems and difficulties. Instead of focusing on the causes of your distress or symptoms in the past, CBT looks for ways to improve your state of mind now.
When does CBT help?
CBT has been shown to help with many different types of problems. These include: anxiety, depression, insomnia, panic, phobias (including agoraphobia and social phobia), stress, bulimia, obsessive compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder and psychosis.
CBT may also help if you have difficulties with anger, a low opinion of yourself or physical health problems, like pain or fatigue.
How does CBT work?
CBT can help you to make sense of overwhelming problems by breaking them down into smaller parts. This makes it easier to see how they are connected and how they affect you.
These parts are:
A Situation – a problem, event or difficult situation.
From this can follow:
Thoughts
Emotions
Physical feelings
Actions
Each of these areas can affect the others. How you think about a problem can affect how you feel physically and emotionally.
There are helpful and unhelpful ways of reacting to most situations, depending on how you think about it. The way you think can be helpful – or unhelpful.
What’s most helpful is to approach issues with a more positive CBT mindset.
An example using CBT techniques:
The Situation
You’ve had a bad day, feel fed up, so go out shopping. As you walk down the road, someone you know walks by and, apparently, ignores you. This starts a cascade of:
Thoughts:
Unhelpful: He/she ignored me – they don’t like me
Helpful: He/she looks a bit wrapped up in themselves – I wonder if there’s something wrong?
Emotional Feelings:
Unhelpful: Feelings Low, sad and rejected
Helpful: Concerned for the other person, positive
Physical:
Unhelpful: Stomach cramps, low energy, feel sick
Helpful: None – feel comfortable
Action:
Unhelpful: Go home and avoid them
Helpful: Get in touch to make sure they’re OK
The same situation has led to two very different results, depending on how you thought about the situation and:
whether you used another helpful CBT technique: “thoughts aren’t facts”.
How you think has affected how you felt and what you did. In the example in the left hand column, you’ve jumped to a conclusion without very much evidence for it – and this matters, because it’s led to:
having a number of uncomfortable feelings behaving in a way that makes you feel worse.
If you go home feeling depressed, you’ll probably brood on what has happened and feel worse. If you get in touch with the other person, there’s a good chance you’ll feel better about yourself.
If you avoid the other person, you won’t be able to correct any misunderstandings about what they think of you – and you will probably feel worse.
This ‘vicious circle’ can make you feel worse. It can even create new situations that make you feel worse. You can start to believe quite unrealistic (and unpleasant) things about yourself. This happens because, when we are distressed, we are more likely to jump to conclusions and to interpret things in extreme and unhelpful ways.
CBT can help you to break this vicious circle of altered thinking, feelings and behaviour.
When you see the parts of the sequence clearly, you can change them – and so change the way you feel. CBT aims to get you to a point where you can ‘do it yourself’, and work out your own ways of tackling these problems.
What does CBT involve?
The sessions:
You can do CBT individually or with a group of people, or even a self-help book or computer programme.
In England and Wales, two computer-based programmes have been approved for use by the NHS. Fear Fighter is for people with phobias or panic attacks; Beating the Blues is for people with mild to moderate depression.
If you have individual CBT therapy:
You will usually meet with a CBT therapist for between 5 and 20, weekly, or fortnightly sessions. Each session will last 50 minutes.
In the first 2-4 sessions, the CBT therapist will check that you can use this sort of treatment and you will check that you feel comfortable with it.
The CBT therapist will also ask you questions about your past life and background.
Although CBT concentrates on the here and now, at times you may need to talk about the past to understand how it is affecting you now.
You decide what you want to deal with in the short, medium and long term. You and the CBT therapist will usually start by agreeing on what to discuss that day.
How effective is CBT?
CBT is one of the most effective treatments for conditions where anxiety or depression is the main problem.
It is the most effective psychological treatment for moderate and severe depression.
CBT is as effective as antidepressants for many types of depression.
If you have decided to consider Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and are not quite ready yet to make contact or to arrange your first session:
By clicking on the links below you can find out more about:
My Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) specialisms include though are not limited to:
- obsessive compulsive disorder
- low self esteem and shyness
- anger, anxiety, pain and stress management
Click here for details about my CBT qualifications, experience and accreditations.
See my Client Testimonials here.
You can book your appointment here or you can contact me on (044) +7950 751352 for outside the UK or 07950 751352 inside the UK. Alternatively by email: karen@karendeeming.com.
Mindfulness, emotional intelligence, focus, personal development and confidence building book recommendations
In response to Coronavirus (Covid-19), I am offering telephone, online counselling and CBT sessions via Zoom and WhatsApp.
Struggling to entertain yourself whilst you are snowed in?
We live at a time when there are more self-help books on the market than any one person could hope to consume in a lifetime. But in today’s world, finding the time to read even one book, let alone a dozen, can still pose quite a challenge.
To make it easier for people like you with hectic lifestyles, rather than spend hours looking for the most acclaimed self help book, I have come up with the most popular mindfulness, self-improvement and counselling books from my client library:
Key themes covered include: mindfulness, emotional intelligence, focus, personal development and confidence building:
1. Screw Work Let’s Play by John Williams
2. Free Range Humans by Marianne Cantwell
3. Stop Talking Start Doing by Shaa Wasmund
4. What’s Stopping You?: Why Smart People Don’t Always Reach Their Potential and How You Can by Robert Kelsey
5. Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Professor Mark Williams, University of Oxford and Danny Penman
6. The Artist’s way by Julia Cameron
7. Ask and it is Given: How to Manifest the Law of Attraction by Esther and Jerry Hicks
8. The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor
9. How to Save an Hour Every Day by Michael Heppell
10. Overcoming procrastination by Dr Windy Dryden
11. Subpersonalties by Dr John Rowan
12. Meeting the shadow by Connie Zweig
13. The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson
14. It’s not how good you are it’s how good you want to be by Paul Arden
15. Freedom from your inner critic by Jay Earley and Bonnie Weiss
16. Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships by John Welwood
17. Sane New world by Ruby Wax
18. The Chimp Paradox by Stephen Peters
19. The six pillars of self esteem by Nathaniel Branden
20. Boundaries and Relationships by Charles Whitfield
21. Boundaries where you end and I begin by Anne Katherine
22. The Self-Acceptance Project: How to Be Kind and Compassionate Toward Yourself in Any Situation by Tami Simon
23. The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free From Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry
by John P. Forsyth and Georg H. Eifert
24. The Compassionate Mind Approach to Overcoming Anxiety (Compassion Focused Therapy) by Dennis Tirch
25. The little book of Ikigai – The essential Japanese way to finding your purpose in life by Ken Mogi
26. What you think is what you get – An introductory textbook for the study of the Alexander Technique by Donald L Weed
This will keep you out of mischief on a cold winter’s evening tucked up with the cat, dog or your laptop on the sofa or when later in the year you are sipping a refreshing cold gin and tonic on a sunny beach
so as one of our favourite authors states: “stop talking start doing” …….
You can book your appointment here or you can contact me on (044) +7950 751352 for outside the UK or 07950 751352 inside the UK. Alternatively by email: karen@karendeeming.com.
How to achieve a positive mindset to help you achieve your goals and ambitions for 2018
In response to Coronavirus (Covid-19), I am offering telephone, online counselling and CBT sessions via Zoom and WhatsApp.
Why is it no matter how much time most people are given, they often finish jobs or tasks at the last minute and are left feeling completely stressed out?
• Why is it that very high wage earners end up broke?
• Why do organisations get stuck firefighting?
• Why do the lonely find it hard to make friends or to find a partner?
• Why do most New Year Resolutions fail by February?
These questions seem unconnected, yet drawing on a raft of research in psychology and behavioural economics, Harvard economist Mullainathan and Princeton psychologist Shafir illustrate that they are all examples of a mind-set produced by scarcity. Put simply, you and most people, often force the brain to focus on alleviating pressing shortages and thus reducing the mental bandwidth available to address other needs such as:
• planning ahead
• exert self-control
• problem solving
The result these academics argue, is a life fixated on agonising trade-offs, crises, and preoccupations that impose persistent negative thinking and self defeating actions.
How can you re programme your scarcity mindset and develop a healthier growth mindset instead so that you can get the most out of your counselling or mindfulness sessions at work or in your personal life?
According to Psychology today, “making resolutions or new habits work is essentially changing behaviors and in order to do that, you have to change your thinking and “rewire” your brain. Brain scientists such as Antonio Damasio and Joseph LeDoux and psychotherapist Stephen Hayes have discovered, through the use of MRIs, that habitual behavior is created by thinking patterns that create neural pathways and memories, which become the default basis for your behavior when you’re faced with a choice or decision. Trying to change that default thinking by “not trying to do it,” in effect just strengthens it. Change requires creating new neural pathways from new thinking.”
Here’s some more Neuroscience research relating to scarcity mindsets which can have a huge impact on your counselling, mindfulness and coaching sessions:
• We recall negative feedback more than we remember praise.
• Unpleasant events tend to be more memorable than pleasant ones.
• The brain is programmed to be vigilant and wary.
• The brain reacts more strongly to negative stimuli than to positive stimuli.
Studies indicate that there’s a greater flow in electrical activity in the brain when we visualise a negative image such as a dead cat than when we witness something positive like a glass of prosecco or yummy lemon cheesecake.
How can Neuroscience and a knowledge of the brain help you to develop a growth mindset and the best return on investment on your counselling coaching and mindfulness sessions?
For those of you who are unfamiliar, Neuroscience is the study of how the nervous system develops, its structure, and what it does. Neuroscientists focus primarily on the brain and its impact on behaviour and cognitive functions.
Neuroscience is an increasingly wide ranging subject. Perhaps because the brain is one of the most complex structures in the known universe:
• intricate enough to coordinate the fingers of a classical violinist
• or logical enough to introduce the laws and theories of gravity.
Now let’s take a brief glimpse at the brain:
The right hemisphere is generally associated with creativity, communicating emotion, analysis of nonverbal information and the control of the left side of the body, temporal and spatial relationships.
Whereas, the left hemisphere is usually identified with logic abilities, casual relationships, sequential thinking, controlling the right side of the body and producing/understanding language and complexities.
The limbic system sometimes referred to as the “emotional brain” is usually considered as composed of the following:
cingulate gyrus, hypothalamus, hippocampus, thalamus and amygdala.
It is the site of: emotional states and behaviour; the bridge between the conscious and subconscious brain and short term memory/ information storage, especially short term recognition of facts, objects, people etc.
The amygdala, the brain’s alarm system is located in the limbic system. Its key function is to call you to attention, and in an emergency, to mobilise or shut-down your body and mind so that you’ll survive.
Sadly though, this alarm rings automatically and unnecessarily often incorrectly informing you that you are experiencing a flight or fight situation when the actual reality is that you are not and the alarm is just being over cautious.
When our amygdala misinterprets a bodily sensation such as sinking stomach to be a message of despair and pessimism, it has exactly the wrong result, reducing rather than enhancing our attention and alertness.
That’s why anxiety, frustration, anger and other chronic stress reactions can occasionally, or for some people frequently, escalate into huge problems.
Put simply, we’re not using our amygdala as effectively as it was intended.
Mindfulness strategies can help to reprogramme your brain’s natural tendency to focus on scarcity rather than on the positives of a situation:
When you experience a negative thought, feeling or physical sensation, breathe, pause, step back then ask yourself the following question:
“what do I know?”
“I know that if I allow my negative thoughts to take over it is not healthy for me and leaves me feeling anxious, I also know that though I can’t stop my thoughts, feelings or physical sensations, I can change what happens next, such as, consciously deciding to stop myself from catastrophising or getting too attached to my thoughts.”
“I know that thoughts aren’t facts”
Following your attempts at implementing the above strategy, record on a piece of paper the process of what happens when you try this technique and the automatic negative thoughts that stop you from supporting yourself.
Now, let’s take a real life example of a person wanting to create their dream life:
Instead of focusing on scarcity and deprivation by talking yourself out of it by getting into a negative thinking style of what ifs, buts, shoulds etc, ie scarcity, approach your dream life by placing yourself in a growth mindset:
Here’s how:
(1) firstly, create your own life script by writing down a series of positive affirmations on a piece of paper or on your tablet such as:
“I’m really happy and grateful for all the following things that I’m just about to say:
I’m really happy and grateful to be a wildly successful writer and public speaker, and wife with an endless regular weekly supply of income that greatly exceeds my outgoings.
What’s also wonderful is that my work is mostly daytime and online so I can do it anywhere in the world.
I have over 5,000 twitter and instagram followers and I’m thrilled that my fiction book is a best seller.
I have great health and I’m really enjoying a good work life balance with lots of time to relax and exercise to play piano and make jewellery and other creative activities.
My life is full of fun and joy and I have an abundance of male and female friends that bring out the best in me in Wiltshire and in other parts of the UK .
And I’m open to receiving this and more thank you.”
Repeat this at least once each morning and then just before you go to sleep for at least a six week period.
(tip: ensure all statements are in the present tense as if they are happening right now and avoid using words such as not, never, no longer etc)
(2) then, cut out some images/photos from either a magazine or the internet relating to your life script and arrange them on a piece of paper or on a cork memo board/whiteboard. Alternatively, create a collage by using pinterest or instagram.
What is key here is to look at the relevant image/photo whilst you are reading each affirmation out loud (ideally smiling and with heaps of enthusiasm and belief!)
(3) Be mindful. Become physically, emotionally and mentally aware of your inner state as each external event happens, moment by moment, rather than living in the past or future
(4) Last but not least, reflect on this statement: you never fail if you never give up
In other words, it’s about moderation not deprivation and adopting a small steps approach such as and be patient…
Sounds simple and perhaps mumbo jumbo doesn’t it? However, I have used this technique with several clients and friends to help them tackle issues such as:
• overcoming procrastination
• overcoming addictions
• overcoming shyness and social phobia
• overcoming anxiety and exhaustion
• overcoming loneliness
The results have often been astounding. Having said that though, most of these clients have undertaken a few counselling or coaching sessions with me, Karen Deeming, before adopting the above exercise in order to achieve their goals.
What’s the primary principle behind this techique? The subconscious mind operates 95% of your life and only 5% of what you are thinking or perceiving is your conscious mind.
The subconscious mind works most effectively with pictures and imagery so you want to take advantage of that, ie the photos. Once you train your subconscious mind to focus on the things that you want then your performance starts to follow because your performance is always aligned with your subconscious mind.
Also as children we picked up messages from parents, peers, teachers and society, not always positive, that literally form the 95% that we are not conscious of and this 95% is really running the show often resulting in fears and doubts that cause us to procrastinate or to feel stuck and demotivated.
For example:
• don’t dream like this
• you can never have this kind of house
• don’t set yourself up for failure
• you can never run your own business it’s too risky
We then blame our doubts and fears on the external world and we play the victim but the reality is it is our own selfs we are our own saboteurs.
The creating your dream life exercise is an ideal tool to reprogramme your subconscious and of course your unhealthy, scarcity mindset.
Does any of this sound familiar? What can you do about it?
Be honest with yourself and acknowledge that you’ve probably fallen victim to the scarcity trap and mind set. Naturally, the reason will be different for each person and remember you’re not alone in this very common dilemma…
Take control of your negative internal chatter box alias “inner critic”.
Over to you:
If after reading this blog, you are still struggling to overcome your scarcity mindset and are feeling overwhelmed with distractions and negative thoughts don’t panic or give up just yet.
Coaching, counselling or a mindfulness course can help you.
So, if you need a bit of extra support and encouragement and a few on line or face to face counselling or mindfulness sessions why not contact me to arrange an appointment for a short free introductory chat on 07950 751352 or by emailing me at karen@karendeeming.com
I’ll end with a few growth mindset insights that have helped me, Karen Deeming, along the way:
• whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting
• happy feelings will attract more happy circumstances
• visualize and rehearse your own future
• shift your awareness
Counselling and coaching is about personal growth and development and encouraging people to discover their potential for living as well as for people with anxiety, depression, stress, bereavement, low self esteem, and relationship difficulties. You can book your appointment here or you can contact me on (044) +7950 751352 for outside the UK or 07950 751352 inside the UK. Alternatively by email: karen@karendeeming.com.
How online counselling and the wheel of control can help you to tolerate lockdown
Wheel of Control and Online counselling
Many people are understandably, struggling to adjust to the lifestyle changes imposed as a result of the unprecedented, Coronavirus (Covid-19) global pandemic. Deserted streets and the invisibility of the virus makes it more difficult to digest the severity of the response.
When our emotional brain experiences these unexpected, higher levels of uncertainty, we automatically “irrationally react” rather than “logically respond” often reverting to our fight or flight survival mechanism.
In that moment, our brain literally believes it is going to be eaten alive by another animal so becomes confused as to whether we’re being exposed to a traumatic trigger or not.
Online Counselling sessions can help you:
to understand and to re-programme or re-frame these unhelpful reactions, thinking patterns and behaviours so that you feel less anxious, overwhelmed and scared.
Some typical client emotional responses to the Coronavirus (Covid-19) pandemic so far are:
- Disorientation
- Anger
- Grief
- Anxiety
- Increased OCD behaviours
- Stress
- Helplessness
- Depression
- Loneliness
Sharing these issues with a Counsellor or Psychotherapist in a safe, supportive, confidential environment often helps especially online counselling.
Many of my online counselling clients found this wheel of control tool I recently developed very helpful too:
Where can you do online counselling, online CBT or online psychotherapy sessions?
You should do all that you can to find a private and undisturbed place for online counselling sessions. If you feel confident that you cannot be overheard, you will be able to engage in the session more fully. You may need to be creative about finding confidential space, perhaps even sitting outside your house in the car if you have one or in the supermarket car park when you do any essential shopping. Some people also use outside spaces such as a summerhouse or shed or speak during their daily exercise time (eg whilst walking). (You will also need to ensure that any vulnerable members of your household have adequate care and supervision for this time. If this is not possible, we may need to review the suitability of the service I am able to offer.)
How safe and secure are online counselling, online CBT or online psychotherapy sessions?
Secure data transmission and client privacy is my number one priority. and I utilize state-of-the-art security and encryption protocols, ensuring compliance with UKCP and BACP requirements.
We will both agree not to make any kind of recording of sessions conducted by phone or video-link.
You are responsible for the security of your devices, employing password-protection, having regularly updated virus-checkers and firewalls installed etc. (Please discuss any concerns with me).
I will ensure that my devices are secure at all times as above.
Read more about the Benefits of Online Counselling
For online counselling client testimonials click here
CBT Blue Monday and how this and Mindfulness can help you….
CBT Blue Monday and how this and Mindfulness can help you…
In response to Coronavirus (Covid-19), I am offering telephone, online counselling and CBT sessions via Zoom and WhatsApp.
CBT Blue Monday: a bit of background first then some Blue Monday CBT and Mindfulness tips
Aren’t Januarys tough sometimes? what with post Christmas blues and cold dark nights?
CBT can help you on Blue Monday.
Both Mindfulness and CBT can help you to reduce stress, panic attacks, anxiety, negative thinking patterns, sleeping difficulties and burnout.
Feeling anxious, stressed, overwhelmed or depressed because of dark nights and too much rainfall?
Dreading the arrival of your credit card bill this month?
Want to simply curl up in bed beneath your duvet and hibernate for the whole of January?
Feeling disappointed that your New Year Resolution, detox or weight loss programmes aren’t going as well as you had anticipated?
Then you may have fallen victim to the Blue Monday trap.
Following extensive research findings, the third Monday of January, supposedly the most depressing day of the year, has been awarded the gloomy title due to a combination of post-Christmas blues, cold dark nights and the arrival of unpaid credit card bills.
Even though I, Karen Deeming, am doing my dream job, Blue Monday is still always tough
However, what helps me cheer myself up on Blue Monday and get through the day are my daily CBT and mindfulness practices
Also: doing nice things for other people or simply remembering that I have roof over my head, have the pleasure of three good meals a day and I don’t have the misfortune of living in a war zone.
Mindfulness is a technique for reducing stress, exhaustion, high blood pressure, panics, anxiety, and negative thinking patterns which has been widely approved by the international medical community.
It teaches greater awareness of our thoughts, feelings and sensations through simple techniques like visualisation, meditation and gentle movement.
Let me give you a recent, real life example of how mindfulness helps:
Despite a prediction of heavy rain in Somerset, I decided to take out my rickety vintage bicycle “Flo” for an impromptu cycle ride to the local farm shop.
The cycle route from Pilton to Pylle is no stranger to me but today it was a strikingly different experience because I had decided to attempt mindful cycling. In other words, I adopted a small steps approach, focusing on the here and now and the journey rather than a speedy arrival at my destination.
How stunning I chuckled to myself as I was greeted by the distant view of Glastonbury Tor. I even encountered the delightful sound of a trickling stream for the first time too. Slightly distracted by these delicious in the moment experiences, I cycled through an unexpected knee deep, muddy puddle resulting in a near trench foot endangerment.
Fortunately, I escaped lightly and though my socks were thoroughly soaked, a brief recollection of a relentless flooded tent experience at the Glastonbury Festival in 1996 encouraged me to soldier on. What also helped me manage this somewhat unattractive incident, were the charming duo of immaculate cocker spaniels grinning at me from the rear window of a delapidated jeep ahead.
How can CBT also help you on Blue Monday:
What is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)?
CBT is an evidence-based, collaborative, solution-focussed form of counselling/therapy approved by the NHS.
CBT is a way of talking about:
how you think about yourself, the world and other people
how what you do affects your thoughts and feelings.
When does CBT help?
CBT has been shown to help with many different types of problems. These include: anxiety, depression, insomnia, panic, phobias (including agoraphobia and social phobia), stress, bulimia, obsessive compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder and psychosis.
CBT may also help if you have difficulties with anger, a low opinion of yourself or physical health problems, like pain or fatigue.
Read more about CBT benefits here
The application of CBT and mindfulness together with my conscious intention to zoom in on the abundance of delightful landscape instead of focusing on the scarcity of sunshine resulted in a highly pleasurable experience.
Moreover though it was forecast to train at 11am it didn’t actually rain until 11.10am when I was safely home and dry nestled up to the cat on the kitchen sofa.
Over to you
If after reading this blog you are still struggling to motivate yourself on Blue Monday or indeed anytime in 2020, why not take this one small step today by booking a CBT session or by signing up to one of my mindfulness one day or eight week courses where you can meet like minded people and achieve life changing results!!
If you have decided to consider CBT, and are not quite ready yet to make contact or to arrange your first session:
Read more about CBT benefits here
My Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) specialisms include though are not limited to:
- obsessive compulsive disorder
- low self esteem and shyness
- anger, anxiety, pain and stress management
Click here for details about my CBT qualifications, experience and accreditations.
See my Client Testimonials here.
You can book your appointment here or you can contact me on 07950 751352 or by emailing: info@karendeeming.com.
My Bristol CBT Practice address is: 14 Orchard Street, Bristol BS1 5EH.
You can book your appointment here or you can contact me on (044) +7950 751352 for outside the UK or 07950 751352 inside the UK. Alternatively by email: karen@karendeeming.com.
Christmas Spa Packages and Self Care Benefits
In response to Coronavirus (Covid-19), I am offering telephone, online counselling and CBT sessions via Zoom and WhatsApp.
Do you ever come across Christmas Spa Package ads like this?
Get away from it all with one of our blissful spa treat packages for two. Choose from a wide range of venues across the UK including Bannatyne’s and Marriott Spa, all offering a haven away from life’s stresses. From rejuvenating facials, immaculate manicures or soothing massages we can offer the treatment for you and your guest. As well as both enjoying a relaxing treatment leaving you each feeling as good as new, you’ll also have access to steam rooms, saunas and swimming pools at many of the locations. The gift of relaxation is ideal for any occasion!”
And think to yourself ooh this sounds delightful and is just the tonic I need right now to recharge my batteries just before Christmas on these cold dark winter evenings? Then ten minutes later think I’ve got a “to do list” the size of Loch Lomond so I’ll book this bargain Spa package later…
Then, before you know it, this amazing opportunity has totally disappeared from your memory or has suddenly been demoted to the bottom of your to do list because you simply feel too overwhelmed or too busy to take time out to book it. Me too !!
As a Health and Well Being Practitioner I often encourage clients to pay attention to their self care and am often emphasizing the benefits of a good work and play balance.
So dare I say it, when I was presented with a very generous spa treatment gift voucher by my friend earlier this year and I didn’t actually use until a month before it’s expiry date I felt slightly hypocritical as you can imagine….
Having said that, I do ensure that I book in regular monthly massage and coach appointments for myself and take regular holidays so it could have been worst, I may have missed this truly enjoyable and self indulgent experience altogether.
Set in the heart of the Mendips, just a ten minute drive from my cottage, Charlton House part of the Bannatyne’s Health Clubs chain has achieved an enviable reputation as one of the leading country house hotels in the South West of England. So if you’re looking for a luxurious spa break Charlton House makes an unforgettable stay and here’s my photos to prove it !! Yes, that’s me in the colbalt blue coat again !!
What is self care exactly?
There are many definitions of healthy self care. As I like to keep life simple, I break it down into four distinct categories:
Relaxation
By this I mean incorporating at least one hobby and activity into your daily routine such as: mindfulness, yoga, pilates, tai chi, qigong, art and crafts, reading a novel, playing a musical instrument, surfing and gardening. What’s key here is allowing yourself to enjoy the journey rather than the arriving, in other words, undertaking the activities at a slow pace it’s not a competition.
Exercise
Include at least one of the following activities at least four times a week into your daily routine:
• Cycling
• walking
• running
• ruby
• football
• cricket
• golf
• swimming
• rowing
• dancing
• basketball
• netball
• tennis
Diet
In terms of mood, I believe we are what we eat!!
I am not referring to a miserable life of fasting, food deprivation and diets.
What I mean by this is the introduction of a healthy daily diet consisting of mostly fruit, vegetables, seeds, fish and less fast food, red meat and carbohydrates.
For example, over the past few years, I have gradually reduced my daily bread, rice, pasta and sugar level intakes and only eat fast food and take aways about twice a year if at all nowadays.
As a result, I have noticed how less tired and sluggish I feel and how I feel increasingly more energetic and motivated.
My new motto is moderation not deprivation.
Adopting healthy sleep patterns
I go to bed most evenings before 11pm with the aim of sleeping for at least 7 hours.
Research indicates that engagement in emails and social media activities such as a facebook and twitter can overstimulate the mind resulting in difficulty sleeping.
So as part of my daily bed time routine, I ensure that I cease sending emails or engaging in any type of face book, twitter or other types of social media activities for at least two hours before going up to bed.
Do you include relaxation, exercise and diet into your daily routine?
If the answer is no then your work life balance or levels of self care are probably not as robust as they could be and you are not alone in this very common dilemma.
Most of us put work above family, friends and hobbies or have struggled with time stress at some point in our lives.
We are not taught about the significance of self care and work life balance at school, so how can we be expected to know how to create our ideal dream lives?
I believe self care and the art of work life balancing should be a mandatory item on the school curriculum.
How do you put self care strategies into practice to create a healthy work life balance?
Following extensive self care and boundary setting training on my Psychotherapy Master’s Degree and from attendance at several personal development courses, the knowledge I acquired , outlining how to create a timetable that reflects my ideal, dream week, has made a significantly, positive difference to my life and health and well being.
For example:
• I mostly now do things that I want to as well as have to
• My energy levels have increased, as I no longer experience high levels of time stress, caused by previously booking up my diary months ahead, as a result of over committing myself, saying yes to most social and work-related events and spending too much time on face book and twitter
• My moods are mostly positive because I no longer eat fast food, I also find it helpful to limit myself to watching only 1.5 hours of television most evenings
• Nowadays, I rarely feel tired, resentful and guilty except of course when I leave spa package bookings to the last minute !!!
Here’s an extract from my recent daily timetable:
8.30am – 9am Mindfulness Practice
9am – 1pm – Work
1pm – 2.15pm – Running then lunch
2.15pm – 6.15pm – Work
6.15pm – 6.30pm – Mindfulness Practice
6.30pm – 10pm – Family, Friends and Leisure time
10pm – 11.30pm – Read a novel.
What are the benefits of self care and creating your ideal, dream life?
You will begin to:
• feel less irritated, stressed, resentful, exhausted, guilty and overwhelmed
• experience more joy and happiness because more time will be spent doing the things you really want to rather than a life just full of to do lists and things that you have to do
• sleep better and as result increase your energy levels
• experience more peace of mind, a sense of clarity and feel more focused
Heath and well being are your most important assets and investments, without these, you may experience exhaustion, illness, burn out and struggle to be as productive and as successful as you could be at work. Put simply: Health = Wealth.
You can book your appointment here or you can contact me on (044) +7950 751352 for outside the UK or 07950 751352 inside the UK. Alternatively by email: karen@karendeeming.com.
How to make New Year’s Resolutions work
In response to Coronavirus (Covid-19), I am offering telephone, online counselling and CBT sessions via Zoom and WhatsApp.
- Why is it no matter how much time most people are given, they often finish jobs or tasks at the last minute and are left feeling completely stressed out?
- Why is it that very high wage earners end up broke?
- Why do organisations get stuck firefighting?
- Why do the lonely find it hard to make friends or to find a partner?
Why do most New Year Resolutions fail by February?
These questions seem unconnected, yet drawing on a raft of research in psychology and behavioral economics, Harvard economist Mullainathan and Princeton psychologist Shafir illustrate that they are all examples of a mind-set produced by scarcity. Put simply, you and most people, often force the brain to focus on alleviating pressing shortages and thus reducing the mental bandwidth available to address other needs such as:
- planning ahead
- exert self-control
- problem solving
The result these academics argue, is a life fixated on agonising trade-offs, crises, and preoccupations that impose persistent negative thinking and self defeating actions.
Back to New Year Resolutions:
So what’s your resolution this year?
- to lose weight?
- to exercise more?
- to stop smoking, gambling or drinking?
- to develop better money management strategies?
- to relax more and stop spending so much time at work?
the list can often be endless……….
According to Psychology today, “making resolutions work is essentially changing behaviors and in order to do that, you have to change your thinking and “rewire” your brain. Brain scientists such as Antonio Damasio and Joseph LeDoux and psychotherapist Stephen Hayes have discovered, through the use of MRIs, that habitual behavior is created by thinking patterns that create neural pathways and memories, which become the default basis for your behavior when you’re faced with a choice or decision. Trying to change that default thinking by “not trying to do it,” in effect just strengthens it. Change requires creating new neural pathways from new thinking.”
If we take the example of a weight loss resolution:
Instead of focusing on deprivation and starving yourself, ie scarcity, begin your resolution by developing a positive mindset of abundance.
Here’s how:
(1) firstly, adopt a positive affirmation statement in the present tense such as “I’m happy and grateful that I have lost 5lbs this week” repeat this at least 40 times each morning and then just before you go to sleep for at least a two week period
(2) then, find a photo of yourself when you were slim or a photo of someone else in a magazine who is slim and look at this following each affirmation
(3) Be mindful. Become physically, emotionally and mentally aware of your inner state as each external event happens, moment by moment, rather than living in the past or future
(4) Last but not least, reflect on this statement: you never fail if you never give up
In other words, it’s about moderation not deprivation and adopting a small steps approach such as:
setting a specific realistic goal such as aiming to loose 5lbs by the end of January not something vague like to loose weight.
Sounds simple and perhaps mumbo jumbo doesn’t it? However, I have used this technique with several clients and friends to help them tackle issues such as:
- overcoming procrastination
- overcoming addictions
- overcoming shyness and social phobia
- overcoming anxiety and exhaustion
- overcoming loneliness
The results have often been astounding. Having said that though, most of these clients have undertaken a few counselling or coaching sessions with me, Karen Deeming, before adopting the above exercise in order to achieve their goals.
What’s the primary principle behind this techique?
The subconscious mind operates 95% of your life and only 5% of what you are thinking or perceiving is your conscious mind. The subconscious mind works most effectively with pictures and imagery so you want to take advantage of that, ie the photos. Once you train your subconscious mind to focus on the things that you want then your performance starts to follow because your performance is always aligned with your subconscious mind.
Also as children we picked up messages from parents, peers, teachers and society, not always positive, that literally form the 95% that we are not conscious of and this 95% is really running the show often resulting in fears and doubts that cause us to procrastinate or to feel stuck and demotivated.
For example:
- don’t dream like this
- you can never have this kind of house
- don’t set yourself up for failure
- you can never run your own business it’s too risky
We then blame our doubts and fears on the external world and we play the victim but the reality is it is our own selfs we are our own saboteurs.
The weight loss exercise is an ideal tool to reprogramme your subconscious and of course your unhealthy, scarcity mindset.
Does any of this sound familiar? What can you do about it?
Be honest with yourself and acknowledge that you’ve probably fallen victim to the scarcity trap and mind set. Naturally, the reason will be different for each person and remember you’re not alone in this very common dilemma…
Take control of your negative internal chatter box alias “inner critic”.
Over to you:
If after reading this blog you are still struggling to overcome your scarcity mindset and are feeling overwhelmed with distractions and negative thoughts don’t panic or give up just yet.
On line coaching, counselling or a personal development or mindfulness course can help you.
I’ll end with a few insights that have helped me, Karen Deeming, along the way:
- whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting
- happy feelings will attract more happy circumstances
- visualize and rehearse your own future
- shift your awareness
- counselling and coaching is about personal growth and development and encouraging people to discover their potential for living as well as for people with anxiety, depression, stress, bereavement, low self esteem, and relationship difficulties.
You can book your appointment here or you can contact me on (044) +7950 751352 for outside the UK or 07950 751352 inside the UK. Alternatively by email: karen@karendeeming.com.
Blue Monday-Mindfulness tips to beat stress, anxiety and depression
In response to Coronavirus (Covid-19), I am offering telephone, online counselling and CBT sessions via Zoom and WhatsApp.
Aren’t Januarys tough sometimes? what with post Christmas blues and cold dark nights?
Back by popular demand, this video I created for my coaching business, You Revolution, shows how mindfulness can help you with Blue Monday. Mindfulness can also help you to reduce and overcome anger outbursts, stress, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, negative thinking patterns, high blood pressure, low self esteem and exhaustion.
Feeling low or depressed because of dark nights and too much rainfall?
Dreading the arrival of your credit card bill this month?
Want to simply curl up in bed beneath your duvet and hibernate for the whole of January?
Feeling disappointed that your New Year Resolution, detox or weight loss programmes aren’t going as well as you had anticipated?
Then you may have fallen victim to Blue Monday trap. Following extensive research findings, the third Monday of January, supposedly the most depressing day of the year, has been awarded the gloomy title due to a combination of post-Christmas blues, cold dark nights and the arrival of unpaid credit card bills.
Even though I, Karen Deeming, am doing my dream job, Blue Monday is still always tough, however, what helps me cheer myself up and get through the day is my daily mindfulness practice, doing nice things for other people or simply remembering that I have roof over my head, have the pleasure of three good meals a day and I don’t have the misfortune of living in a war zone.
Mindfulness is a technique for reducing stress, exhaustion, high blood pressure, panics, anxiety, and negative thinking patterns which has been widely approved by the international medical community. It teaches greater awareness of our thoughts, feelings and sensations through simple techniques like visualization, meditation and gentle movement.
Let me give you a recent, real life example of how mindfulness helps:
Despite a prediction of heavy rain in Somerset a few days ago, I decided to take out my rickety vintage bicycle “Flo” for an impromptu cycle ride to the local farm shop. As she had been snuggling up to the lawn mower for most of December it was no easy task to take Flo out of the shed, nonetheless I still proceeded to do so.
The cycle route from Pilton to Pylle is no stranger to me but today it was a strikingly different experience because I had decided to attempt mindful cycling. In other words, I adopted a small steps approach, focusing on the here and now and the journey rather than a speedy arrival at my destination.
How stunning I chuckled to myself as I was greeted by the distant view of Glastonbury Tor. I even encountered the delightful sound of a trickling stream for the first time too. Slightly distracted by these delicious in the moment experiences, I cycled through an unexpected knee deep, muddy puddle resulting in a near trench foot endangerment.
Fortunately, I escaped lightly and though my socks were thoroughly soaked, a brief recollection of a relentless flooded tent experience at the Glastonbury Festival in 1996 encouraged me to soldier on. What also helped me manage this somewhat unattractive incident, were the charming duo of immaculate cocker spaniels grinning at me from the rear window of a delapidated jeep ahead. Ten minutes or so later I noticed a distinct change in the earlier calm blissful atmosphere and it suddenly struck me that I had entered into the realms of a busy, treadmill resembling, A road……
Anyway. The reason I’m writing this blog for you is not just to share the awesomeness of Pilton landscape(though it ‘s definitely a worthwhile visit).
It’s also this:
The application of mindfulness together with my conscious intention to zoom in on the abundance of delightful landscape instead of focusing on the scarcity of sunshine resulted in a highly pleasurable experience.
Moreover though it was forecast to train at 11am it didn’t actually rain until 11.10am when I was safely home and dry nestled up to the cat on the kitchen sofa.
Over to you
The ability to achieve a successful work life balance in order to live more creatively and fully has never been more important than in today’s society. Unless you take more quality time on your own, you will always experience emotional and physical difficulties from the beginning of your working life until the grave. Health, well-being and mindfulness workshops are our passion at You Revolution that’s why we pride ourselves in inspiring people, like you, to find balance in work and play and in your mind and body and to experience being in the flow.
We also provide the ideal playground and tools to empower people, like you, to overcome issues that are bothering you. This includes learning practical skills that you can use in everyday life and learning techniques to identify your triggers and to put a stop to any unhelpful behavioural patterns.
If after reading this blog you are still struggling to motivate yourself on Blue Monday or indeed anytime in 2017, why not take this one small step today by signing up to one of our mindfulness one day or eight week courses where you can meet like minded people and achieve life changing results!!
Alternatively, if you don’t feel ready for a course just yet we also offer on line or face to face counselling sessions too.
Make it happen Stop thinking, Start doing !!!
You can book your appointment here or you can contact me on (044) +7950 751352 for outside the UK or 07950 751352 inside the UK. Alternatively by email: karen@karendeeming.com.
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